CATCH FRASE

I’m a Manning.  The Manning family motto (in latin) is “Esse Quam Videri”, which loosely translated means “To Be, Rather Than to Seem” … or as I like to say, “Keep It Real”.

Why do I bring this up?  I went down to the Saddledome last night to catch The Black Keys.  I’m not sure I’d call myself a “huge fan”, but I definitely enjoy their sound, and I thought I’d check ‘em out live. 

The Arctic Monkeys opened up for them, and for an opening act I thought they were pretty decent.  It was pretty clear that not many Calgarians cared too much about them, as the ‘dome wasn’t even 1/4 full while they played.  I don’t know about you, but when I shell out dough for a concert, I like to see ALL of the bands, not just the headliner.  Gotta get my money’s worth.

On a bit of a side note…during the opening set (and even throughout the main act) my buddy Nick and I were getting a good laugh at the usher in our section.  She was an overweight, overzealous 55-60 year old woman that clearlytook her $9/hour job way too seriously.  I understand it’s her job to help people find their seats, and to keep the seat snatchers away, but it’s how you go about doing your job that really counts…and she was trying way too hard.  There was one guy sitting in front of us that left his seat several times (probably bathroom breaks, as he was not shying away from the beers), and every time he came back to his seat she’d ask to see his ticket.  He was sitting no more than 5 feet away from here, and she saw him leave every time.  Come on lady…give it a break!

Enough of that…cue the Black Keys.  After a few songs, my opinion of them as a live act was this: they’re a couple of rock’n’roll shoegazers that are trying too hard to put on an arena rock show.  I think that some bands need to realize who they are, and where they belong.  I think I’d much rather see them play two or three shows in a place like Mac Hall rather than one show at the Dome.  Obviously that would make for a much longer tour, but I think it would be better suited to their sound.  Putting a big video screen behind you and playing random footage doesn’t automatically make you a big-room act.

Now that I’ve slept on it, I don’t feel bad that I paid money to see a concert that I didn’t overly enjoy, because I never would have known had I not gone.  I just think that loading  Black Keys song on my iPhone brings roughly the same amount of enjoyment as seeing them live. They’re a true album band.

…ok, scratch that.  There’s this woman…this fantastically amazing woman.  How fantastic? She’s literally the complete package: smart, funny, beautiful, successful, comes from a great family, etc etc…  I’ve known her for a while, but I haven’t always had the mad hots for her.  When I first met her, well let’s just say that it was definitely lust at first sight.  That’s the only thing that exists for me, as I’m a firm believer that there is no such thing as love at first sight.  Why do I believe that?  Well let’s just say that I’ve met my fair share of 10’s that turn into 0’s the moment they open their mouths. But I digress…

It wasn’t until I really got to know her that my emotions went from “I really wanna hit that” to “I really wanna date that”.  She wasn’t just another pretty face…she was a pretty face that was attached to a whole lot of amazing!  She’s someone that I enjoy spending time with…which is huge when you get to my age.

So, the reason I’m not with her?  Well, I think I can chalk it up to one of two things (or possibly both).  First…I’m pretty sure I’ve been “friend-zoned”, so I might be in that sexual purgatory where I’ll never quite get any further.  Secondly, I’m fat, and I get the fact that chicks don’t did fat dudes.  I’m not ‘man-boobs-under-the-armpits’ fat, but I have me a decent sized gas tank up front.

Now, I really want to get myself in shape.  Not only to perhaps re-insert myself into the dating pool (I haven’t always been this big), but I just need to start living a healthier lifestyle.  But I got to thinking: if I end up getting myself into good enough shape that I all of a sudden become of interest to this girl…would I not be giving in to the exact societal mentality that I so dearly loathe?  If I prove my theory that she wasn’t into me simply because I was packing a few extra layers, I don’t know if I could bring myself to love someone that views people that way?

It’s a very curious question indeed…

Well, my time at SAIT is finally over.  It’s my second kick at the post-secondary can, and my beliefs are all but confirmed that technical colleges have the upper hand over Universities these days.  With the exception of more specialized fields that require specialized education, University degrees are essentially worthless…especially Business Degrees, of which I have one.

After taking my 4 year degree at Acadia, I realized as I attempted to enter the workplace that those 4 years would have been better spent getting work experience under my belt.  Almost every recruiter that I met with noted that my lack of work experience would be my achilles heel in landing a decent gig.  And they were correct, because I bounced around from one shitty job to another before I got absolutely sick of the corporate world.

Hence my decision to drop everything and go back to school.  My program of choice?  The Radio, Television and Broadcast News program at SAIT Polytechnic.  For the 10+ years that I’ve been a DJ, I’ve known that I needed to be involved in music, or at the very least involved in music/audio production…so the Radio biz seemed like a good fit. 

The program was awesome, and aside from the fact that I really burned the candle at both ends, it was clearly worth it, as landed a killer writer/producer job here at X92.9 before classes even ended.  Can’t say I know of many Business students that can brag about that! 

So, thus begins my journey in the radio business.  Stay tuned…

Well, it’s been a solid 3-4 months since I’ve made an update.  Why now, you ask?  Well, I guess there’s several reasons: 

First off, Kevann, who is one of my favourite new friends that I have made in my new student life, sent me a link via her tumblr page, and that reminded me that I needed to blow the dust off this page and get it purring again.

Secondly, I guess I felt that because I’ve got a full semester under my belt, I had some new insight to share.

• I am old. I am especially old when I am literally surrounded by 18 and 19-year-olds.
• My previous post regarding the “amh = (ya / 2) + 7” formula is, for the most part, correct.  That being said, there will be girls that provide you with a convincing argument to make exception to the rule…and yes, I have met several of said females.
• I actually CAN be a straight-A student…so long as I’m learning something that interests me.  Makes me hate the public education system that much more that it took me 30 years to find this out.
• I’m not even close to conquering my goal of getting healthy/in-shap

tbc…

So for those of you that know me, you clearly know that my first and foremost passion is music. That’s a no-brainer. What you may not know, is that stand-up comedy is another very strong passion of mine. No, I am not a comedian (although I do take pride in having a great sense of humour), but I love all things comedy. I love funny movies, I really enjoy improv, and I have been watching stand-up comedy for as long as I can remember (back in the days when “Evening at the Improv” was aired on A&E).

Anyhoo…why I am I telling you this? Because yesterday we had a Yuk Yuk’s comedy show @ the Gateway, and it turned into a complete travesty. Why? Because of the few people that actually showed up, most of them were complete idiots.

The opening comedian, Karen O’Keefe, was pretty funny. She operates her set with a little more intellect, throwing very subtle jokes in there from time to time. Most of the people missed a good chunk of her jokes, and unfortunately during her whole set she had to try and talk over a table of about 12 nimrods who decided that loud table conversation was acceptable. Near the end of her set I had to tell the twelve monkeys to keep the table chatter at a minimum, as this is a comedy show and not a concert.

The headliner was Eddie Della Siepe, who is apparently well known for his appearances on Much Music’s “Video on Trial” show (I haven’t watched Much Music in a LONG time). Anyway, I thought he was quite good as well. Solid delivery, and using his Hispanic background to deliver some solid multi-cultural material.

Thankfully, the big table had finally gotten the hint and had quieted down, but near the end of Eddie’s set some moron at another table decided he was going to become the centre of attention. At first he was engaging the comedian enough so that Eddie could fire a few cracks at him, but then it got out of hand. After a while, Eddie had enough, and offered the mic to this douchebag, who actually stood up and uttered complete nonsense into the mic. Sure, it was great to see him get up and make a complete ass of himself, but this prompted some 400lb redneck tub of shit from the table of idiots to get up and try his hand at comedy…which was also an epic fail.

I saw a third guy get up, and I started to move toward the stage, because as a bouncer this might be where I have to interject. Much to my surprise (and delight), this dude got up on stage, grabbed the mic, and proceeded to say “I don’t know about you guys, but I paid to see a Comedy show tonight…so shut the fuck up!”. Obviously this was met with some rawkus applause from those of us who appreciated what he had just done, and even Eddie was clapping his hands.

Unfortunately, the show didn’t last too much longer. Eddie took it upon himself to fire off a PSA, and essentially tell the crowd that about 35% of them were complete morons, and that they need to learn how to show some respect at a comedy show. He told another couple jokes, and then left the stage in a visible state of disgust.

I was actually embarrassed to be associated with SAIT last night. Our patrons, for the most part, showed little class and zero respect. It almost makes me think that if we do another comedy show, people should need to pass an IQ test before coming in.

Well I’m surprised it took me this long…time for a sports rant

For those of you who follow the NFL, you’ll know that one of the current hot-stove topics is the possibility of the regular season being stretched to 18 games. Now, if you’re a casual fan, I can see how you could come to the conclusion that “more is better”. Longer season = better for fans = more revenues = success.

Well, hold that thought. You forget the amount of abuse these players take in their current 16 game season. Several studies have come to the conclusion that the average football player loses 2-3 years off of his life expectancy for every football season he plays. Now, this doesn’t really apply to ALL players…mostly just the ones that are getting hit on almost every play (running backs especially).

Now of course the owners are saying that “it’s for the fans”, but I have yet to meet anyone that thinks this is a great idea, nor do I recollect any massive public outcry for it. The only thing I remember is a common consensus that the pre-season is about as useful as a hat full of half-chewed assholes. So the league figures that they will take 2 pre-season games away, and add them to the regular season. Well, guess what? The starters are still going to sit those games out…but instead these games will be at the end of the regular season and not the pre-season.

Back when I was growing up, I remember many amazing football players being impact guys into their mid-to-late 30’s. Now days, a running back that is 30 is considered “old” and “past his prime”. Guys like Brett Favre and Kurt Warner are likely going to be the last of a dying breed of old-timers that play until their 40’s. As much as I hate how much money these athletes are making, further endangering their health makes no sense at all.

If you’re still having trouble seeing my point, think of it this way. Imagine If they took your average work week (8 hours) and increased it to 10, but kept everything else the same (days you work, vacation, etc). You can’t deny that going from 40 to 50 hours a week would make you much more tired than you already are. Sure, it wouldn’t affect all of us (there are already people who work 60+ hours/week) but it would still have negative implications for most of us…and we’re not bashing our bodies against each other at full speed like they are.

If at first you don’t succeed, go back to school!

I was in a very dark place for a fairly long time until recently. I mostly blame my old job for taking me there, but that’s still no excuse. I was depressed, I was drinking a lot, and pretty much hated life. For a while I was able to hide this, but after a while the signs started to show. I wasn’t overly pleasant, I had gained a fair bit of weight, and I was becoming more and more anti-social. I had never been to this place before, but I was having trouble finding the way out.

Then I decided that I was going to go back to school, and the cloud started to lift. I had something to look forward to - something to be happy about. And now that I am here, I feel like I’m living a new life! I’m back in the gym working out (with the exception of a recent break due to a cold I’m battling), I’m awake & on campus early every morning, and I’m generally in a positive frame of mind. I even got a phone number my first night working @ the campus bar (this NEVER happens).

It’s amazing how something this simple has made such a drastic change in my life…but I’m really, really excited for the future now.

Attention whores. We all know one. Admit it. And if you claim you don’t, then it’s likely you that is the attention whore that ‘everyone else’ knows.

These types of people generally get on my nerves, and it usually starts within about 5-10 seconds of meeting them. There’s usually only one good thing I can ever say about these people, and it’s that they’re easier to spot than a white dude at a KRS-One concert.

Unfortunately, I used to work with one of these people. Fortunately, I am able to say “used to” work with her. As much as I hate this personality type, and as much as I can’t stand this person…the level of attention-whoredacity on this ‘me monger’ is quite astonishing. There’s nothing she won’t do to make sure she she is involved in whatever is going on near her, and usually she will hijack the situation and make it all about her.

Now, the reason why I even remotely feel the need to discuss this person is because I have a sneaking suspicion (as do a couple other co-workers) that she has reached an unheard-of level of stupidity: it is entirely possible that this girl is faking a pregnancy. Now, before all the alarm bells go off, I’m not Gil Grissom…so I don’t have DNA evidence to support my theories. I do, however, have plenty of reasons to at least suspect it.

The main reason is that she is allegedly 3-4 months along…and really I don’t see any obvious signs of a bun in the oven. All I see is weight gain, which makes me think that she’s just carrying a food baby. Yes, I realize that not all women look preggers until maybe 5-6-7 months along, but I still have my doubts. I have been literally surrounded by people getting pregnant this year, and this is the only female who doesn’t look one bit preggo after 3-4 months.

Another irregularity is that she hasn’t shown anyone pictures of the ‘ultrasounds’ she said she had. This wouldn’t normally be any cause for a raised eyebrow, but we’re talking about a girl who went away to get married (she’s Middle-Eastern…so it was one of those arranged jobbys), and came back with about 37 photo albums that she basically FORCED everyone to look at. I find it odd that someone who is so eager to be the topic of conversation is all of a sudden mum when it comes to this ‘baby’.

I really hope she’s truly faking it, only for the “I can’t fucking believe someone actually did that” factor that it will bring.

EDIT: I initially wrote this post and saved it as a draft several weeks ago, but since then there have been some interesting things that have unfolded. First off, she thought she would be able to go on maternity leave like 5 months before her due date. Not only is that funny, I think it goes along with my suspected plan of hers. If she leaves when she’s about that 4-5 months pregnant range, she’ll be gone before anyone expects her to really show signs of pregnancy, and she can come back and say “yep, had my baby…all is good”. 

The second thing is that she has taken the whole “milking it” thing into overdrive, and the people who are still working there are losing their shit with her. she’s moaning & groaning about not feeling well, or being hungry, or being fat…whatever she can think of. I was actually back there the other day to grab a few things I left behind, and one of the manager’s was trying to suss out some sort of workplace incident report. Apparently one of the employees opened a door and it hit her in the stomach. Said employee didn’t even see her…but of course she’s making a huge fucking deal out of it.